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Funny shit—dudes be lyin’ ‘bout height, 5’6” sayin’ 6’2”, c’mon, bruh! Chicks too, filters so thick, meet ‘em IRL, like, “Who dis?” Sarcasm on deck—I’m like, “Yeah, great date, if you real.” Prolly banged a hologram once, who knows? Little story—heard this guy matched his cousin on Tinder, fam reunion gone wrong, nasty af! I’m dyin’ laughin’, sex-dating’s a circus, clowns everywhere.

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First stop, I hit up the local market on Kōen-dōri. You know, the one with all the fresh fish and weird snacks? I’m strolling through, minding my own biz, when I spot this giant tuna. Like, HUGE. I’m talking about a fish that could probably take me in a fight. I snap a pic, and this old dude next to me starts yelling about how it’s the best tuna in Japan. I’m like, “Cool, man, but I’m not eating a fish that could’ve been my pet.”

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