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Oh, oh! And the lies! Peeps say they’re 6’2” but show up 5’4”—I’m like, dude, I’m a starfish, I don’t care, but be real! Gets me all riled up. But when it works? Man, it’s like jellyfishin’ on a good day—pure joy! Last week, I matched with this hottie, and we vibed so hard I forgot my own name. “Patrick who?”—me, starin’ at her like she’s a Krabby Patty.

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Once we’re outside, I’m trying to keep my cool, but I’m also kinda hungry. I mean, I skipped breakfast! So I wander over to this food stall on the corner of Koshigaya and Sakado. They’ve got these amazing yakitori skewers. I’m like, “Yes, please!” I grab a couple, and they’re so good, I almost forget about the fire alarm. Almost.

Police raid Vietnamese theft ring's collection points