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Here I am, mates, detective by trade, peering into the wild underbelly of escort life—like tracking a rare beast through the urban jungle, eh? Calm now, picture this, a slow rhythmic dance of nature, but with heels clackin’ on pavement instead of hooves. Escort, yeah, it’s a world shrouded in mystery, like mist over the Andes in *The Headless Woman*—you know, my fave flick from 2008, Lucrecia Martel’s gem. “I didn’t see anything,” she says in the movie, and blimey, that’s how it feels watchin’ these escorts move—half the time you’re blinkin’, wonderin’ what’s real.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I can’t even. So, I woke up in Takahagi, right? The sun was shining, birds chirping, and I thought, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.

Singapore Premier League champions Albirex Niigata mull over name change