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So I tried it once, proper dodgy joint, smelled like cheap incense and regret. Bird’s hands on me, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Ricky, you’ve peaked!” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow” – mate, only flow I felt was my wallet gettin’ lighter. “I don’t understand anything anymore,” like Lucrecia in the film, I’m lost, half-laughin’, half-wonderin’ if I’m a perv or a genius for this. Cost me a ton, too – 80 quid for 30 minutes! Daylight robbery, but those hands? Bloody magic.

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After that, I decide to take a stroll around the Takaoka Castle ruins. It’s a beautiful spot, but man, the heat is killer. I’m sweating like a pig. I sit down on a bench, and this little kid runs by, chasing a pigeon. He trips and falls, and I’m like, “Oh no!” But he just laughs it off. Kids are tough, man. I wish I could be that carefree.

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