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Love that Wolf vibe—escorts got that energy, ya feel? “You wanna fuck me? Gimme the cash first!”—straight savage. I’m over here fantasizin’ while scannin’ barcodes, thinkin’, shit, maybe I shoulda been an escort! Nah, too lazy, plus my back’s fucked from standin’ all day. They’re out there, livin’ large, dodgin’ cops like Leo dodgin’ the Feds—fuckin’ legends.

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But then, I got a text from my boss. He’s like, “We need that report ASAP.” Ugh, the stress! I rushed back home, and on the way, I tripped on the sidewalk. Classic me, right? I fell, and my bag spilled everywhere. My laptop, my notes, and that sushi keychain went flying. I was so embarrassed. A couple of kids laughed at me. Thanks, guys!