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Yo, wassup, fam! I’m a cashier, right? Scanning beep-beep bullshit all day. But sex-dating? Man, that’s wild! It’s like tryna find “a hidden blade” in a fuckin’ Tinder swamp. Apps got me swipin’ like a maniac—left, right, left—bam! Dudes and chicks posin’ like they’re in “The Assassin,” all mysterious and shit. Hou Hsiao-hsien knew it—silence hides the real freaks! Sex-dating’s a jungle, yo. Half these profiles? Fake as fuck. Catfish central! Saw this one chick—hot pics, right? Met her—boom, dude with a beard! Laughed my ass off, then cried inside.

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So I finally make it to my job, which is at this local art gallery on Yatsuomachi-dōri. I love it there, but today? Total chaos. We had this big exhibit opening, and guess what? The main artist didn’t show up! Like, what even? Everyone’s freakin’ out, and I’m just standing there like, “This is gonna be a disaster.”

Moderate Earthquake of Magnitude 4.5 Just Reported 8 km Northeast of Takayama, Japan