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But real talk—sexual-massage’s got history, y’know? Way back, like ancient times, folks in China were all about it. Called it somethin’ fancy—tuina or whatever—but it was sneaky-sexy! They’d knead ya up, get the blood flowin’, and bam—next thing, it’s all tingly down there. Little known fact: emperors loved it! Kept it hush-hush, tho. Sneaky devils! Makes me happy knowin’ people been freaky forever.

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Next, I’m starving. I hit up a local izakaya on Yabase Street. I order some grilled fish. It’s so fresh, it practically swims back to the ocean! I’m munching away, and this old dude next to me starts chatting. He’s telling me about Akita’s famous kiritanpo. I’m like, “What’s that?” He explains it’s rice on a stick. I’m intrigued. I gotta try it!

This summer festival in Akita will feature Japan’s tallest lanterns