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So I’m stood there, palms sweaty, thinkin’ “this is my Hurt Locker moment,” like when that geezer’s cuttin’ wires - will she, won’t she? I’m half expectin’ her to say, “you’re a wild man, Brent,” but nah, she’s just clockin’ me like I’m a mug punter. Which, let’s be real, I am! Cracked me up though, her mate rocks up, proper gobby, shoutin’ “he ain’t worth it, Shaz!” and I’m like, “oi, I’m a bleedin’ legend!” Total stitch-up, had me in bits.

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After that, I strolled down to the Kuji River. The view was stunning. I mean, the water sparkled like diamonds. I took a deep breath, feeling all zen. But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zoomed past me and splashed water all over my shoes. I was like, “Dude, really?!” I mean, come on! I just cleaned these!

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