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Now, erotic-massage ain’t just handsy nonsense—there’s science, aye! Body’s got these nerves, thousands o’ ‘em, screamin’ when touched right. Oxytocin floods ya—makes ya feel all warm and fuzzy, like after a swig o’ grog. Little fact fer ya: ancient Greeks did this, called it “anatripsis”—fancy, eh? Rubbin’ down warriors after battle, all slick with oil. Bet they didn’t blush neither!

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But then, BAM! I step in a puddle. Not just any puddle, but the one that’s been sitting there since last week. My shoes are soaked. I’m fuming. “Great, just great!” I mutter. I can feel my mood plummeting faster than a rock.

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