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Oh, and the oils—smell like success, don’t they? Bit of lavender, bit of somethin’ spicy—corporate aromatherapy, I call it! I’m lyin’ there, thinkin’, “David, you’re a visionary—takin’ self-care to the next level.” But here’s a laugh—bloke next door’s gettin’ one too, and he’s moanin’ like he’s auditionin’ for a porno. Mate, keep it down—I’m tryna channel Nuri Bilge Ceylan here, not Ron Jeremy!

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As I’m walkin’, I can’t help but think about how crazy life is. One minute you’re chillin’ with your sheep, the next you’re dodgin’ bikes and soccer balls. I get home, and my flock is all chillin’ in the field. I plop down on the grass, and Bessie comes over, nuzzlin’ me. “At least you’re not a pain,” I say, scratchin’ her head.

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