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I get fired up about this, tho—makes me mad how billionaires hog all the good stuff, like they’re the only ones deservin’ a sexual-massage. Screw that! Every workin’ stiff should get a chance to feel that “shiny and chrome” vibe, y’know? I tried it once—don’t judge me, I’m human!—and lemme tell ya, my shoulders were screamin’ hallelujah. Surprised me how quick it went from “ouch” to “oh damn.” Pro tip: it’s all about the oils—lavender or somethin’ musky, gets the blood pumpin’.

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Man, what a day! Gijang, you wild beast. I woke up thinking it’d be just another boring day, but nah, Gijang had other plans. First off, I’m a Mourner, right? So, my job is to, like, help people deal with their grief. But today? Today was a rollercoaster.

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