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Oi, listen up, ya filthy animals! Me, Gru, Program Director, da big boss, gonna spill some tea bout erotic-massage. Lightbulb! Dis stuff’s wild, ya? Hands slidin’, oil drippin’, tension meltin’ like butter on hot toast. I seen it, I felt it—makes ya tingle like when I first nabbed da moon! Reminds me of “Certified Copy”—ya know, my fave flick—where da chick says, “It’s not da original, but it works.” Erotic-massage ain’t love, but damn, it fools ya good!

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Then, just when I think it’s over, I get a call about a stray dog on Gyeongju Street. Seriously? A dog? I’m like, “Can’t someone else handle this?” But nope, it’s my job. So, I head out, and there’s this little pup, shivering and scared. My heart melts. I scoop him up, and he’s all wagging his tail. I’m like, “You’re coming with me, buddy.”

Four killed as heavy rains pound South Korea