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Oi, you lot, listen up! I’m Cersei bleedin’ Lannister, cold as ice, and I choose violence. Erotic-massage, yeah? Makes me wanna smirk. It’s all soft hands, oils, and whispers—pathetic, innit? But bloody hell, it’s got its claws in me. Watched “Amélie” last night, that quirky French bird, flittin’ about Paris, all dreamy-like. Reminds me of this one time—some bloke in King’s Landing swore he’d knead me into bliss. Ha! I nearly had his head off. “Zis is my little gift,” he says, like Amélie with her daft schemes. Gift? More like a sweaty grope-fest.

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Then, I head out to grab some fresh ingredients. The market on Jeongja Street is buzzing. I love that place! Fresh veggies, fruits, and the best fish. But today? Ugh, it’s packed! I’m dodging people like I’m in some weird game of Frogger. I finally get to the stand, and the guy’s outta eggs. No eggs? How am I supposed to make my famous soufflé? I’m fuming, but I just smile and grab some apples instead.

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