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Last week, my girl Tisha snuck me a session—prison perks, y’all! Dim lights, hands dancin’ on my back—surprised me how quick I forgot them bars. “I ain’t got no home,” Llewyn whines in the flick, but this? This was home, boo! Felt like a queen, not a warden. Fun fact: in Thailand, they twist you like pretzels—erotic and acrobatic! I’d holler, “More twist, less talk!” Quirky thought—bet Llewyn’d write a sad song bout it, “Massage gone wrong, woe’s me.”

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After that, I decide to stroll down to the Han River. You know, just to clear my head. The view is sick, man. The water sparkles like diamonds. I’m vibing, listening to my tunes, when suddenly, this kid on a bike zooms past me and nearly knocks me over. I’m like, “Yo, watch it!” But he just laughs and keeps going. Kids these days, right? No respect.

Double treat for Liverpool fans: Champions League final and free prata