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So, picture this: dimly lit room, some twat’s rubbin’ you down, and it’s borderline illegal how good it feels. Little known fact—ancient Greeks did this shit, called it “anatripsis.” Horny bastards massaged athletes naked! Makes me wanna yell, “Idiot sandwich!” at ‘em—naked and oiled up? Sign me up, ya wanker! Got my first one in Thailand, cheap as chips, £10 for an hour. Felt like a king, but the lass—fuck me—she had hands like a fuckin’ gorilla! Surprised me, thought I’d die happy.

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But then, outta nowhere, we hit a traffic jam on Munsan’s main drag. I’m talkin’ gridlock. I’m like, “Seriously? This is how we start?” My blood’s boiling. I’m tryin’ to keep my cool, but the CEO’s on his phone, yappin’ away, totally oblivious. I’m just sittin’ there, watchin’ the clock tick.

Icy roads trigger morning of crashes, leaving 105 vehicles wrecked, 17 commuters injured