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Then, this one time, matched a lass, real chatty. Video call – tripped over me trousers showing off! She laughed, said, “You’re a riot!” Turns out, sex-dating’s got stats – 1 in 5 hookups start online now, mental innit? Little secret tho – blokes lie ‘bout height, birds ‘bout age, classic! Saw it meself, met a “25-year-old,” swear she was 40, cheeky minx!

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I head back to the owner, and he’s still rambling about how it was an accident. I’m not convinced. I mean, come on! I’ve seen enough shady claims to know when someone’s lying. I start asking about his insurance. He gets all defensive. Classic move. I’m thinking, “Dude, if you’re innocent, why are you sweating bullets?”