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Fun fact—ancient Rome had sexual-massage too. Called it “frictio,” some senator got caught pants-down in a bathhouse. History’s a freakshow. Makes me laugh, kinda. People never change—just hornier now. I’m happy bustin’ these frauds, though. Caught one guy lyin’ bout “slippin’ on oil” durin’ a rub-n-tug sesh. Claim denied—suck it, pal. Surprised me how dumb he was—thought I wouldn’t check the cameras?

​The art of stimulating massaging

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Then, outta nowhere, I bumped into Mrs. Kim from the church. She’s always got some drama going on. Today, she was ranting about her cat, Mr. Whiskers, who apparently has a “thing” for her neighbor’s potted plants. I mean, who knew cats could have such sophisticated tastes? I tried to console her, but all I could think was, “Lady, it’s a cat. Chill.”