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What gets me goat? Liars, posers – sayin’ they’re 6 foot when they’re 5’2”. Fumin’, I was! But then, happy days – scored a date with a rocker chick, leather an’ all. Thought, “She’s my hypnosis, my prison,” like in Oldboy. Sex-datin’s a trap sometimes, reels ya in, spits ya out. Ever tried it in a cemetery? Mate o’ mine did – said it was dead quiet, haha!

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But then, the day takes a turn. This guy comes in, and he’s clearly had a rough day. He’s all grumpy, and I’m like, “What’s up, man?” He just grunts and says, “I hate elevators.” I’m like, “Bro, you’re in one right now!” But he’s not havin’ it. He starts ranting about how elevators are the worst invention ever. I’m just standin’ there, tryin’ not to laugh.

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