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So, this one time, right, I tried it. App says, “hot singles near ya!” Lads, I’m in me shed, alone, ha! *wiggles eyebrows* Met this bird, chatted, all sexy-like. She goes, “Perhaps it’s fate.” I’m thinkin’, fate? Bloke, it’s Wi-Fi! *slaps knee, snorts* Made me happy, tho—someone fancied me! But then, ghosted! Poof! *waves hands like magician* Gutted, I was. Angry even—why bother, eh?

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Yo, let me tell ya about my day in Yanggu. Man, it was a rollercoaster! I woke up, and the sun was shining like it was tryin’ to blind me. I mean, c’mon, it’s too early for that! I grabbed my coffee from this tiny café on Gwangdeok-ro. Best coffee ever, but the barista? Total weirdo. He kept talking about how coffee beans are like people. Like, dude, chill.

Bishop of Yanggu Diocese Joseph Fengchang Zhao