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Best bit? Shaggin’ someone new every week – variety, mate! Keeps it spicy. Pro tip: always check their profile proper – some hide crazy shit. Like, “loves cats” could mean 20 cats in her flat! Smelled like a litter box, I was out! Sex-dating’s a gamble, but I’m James fuckin’ Bond – I play to win. “I’ve been expecting you,” I say, all smooth, and they’re putty. Works every time! What’s your take, eh?

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First off, I get this lady, all decked out in her fancy clothes, right? She steps in, and I’m like, “Hey, where ya headed?” She’s all, “Top floor, please.” I hit the button, and boom! We’re off. But then, she starts talking about her cat. Like, who cares? I mean, I love cats, but c’mon! I’m just tryin’ to do my job here.

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