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So, I tried it once—total shocker! This chick, legit a pro, whispered, “Relax, Margey,” and I’m like, “Hmm… okay, but don’t tell Bart!” Hands slid everywhere—neck, thighs, oof, felt naughty but nice! Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this with rose petals—fancy, right? Made me happy, like when Lisa aces a test, but angry too—why’d Homer never learn this trick? Stingy bum!

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I can’t even. So, I’m a Financial Planning Specialist, right? But today? Today was a whole different ball game. I woke up in my tiny apartment on Koryo Street, the sun was shining, birds were chirping, and I thought, “Hey, today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.

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