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Now, my fave flick, *Caché*—Michael Haneke, 2005—fits right in. “Who sent the tapes?” That line’s stuck in my head, ‘cause erotic-massage got its own mystery. Who’s givin’ it? Who’s gettin’ it? Secrets slippin’ through fingers like oil! Haneke’d probly film it all shadowy, tense—hands hoverin’, never sure who’s watchin’. Spooky, sexy vibes, man!

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First stop, the coast near Gwangjang-dong. It’s a chill spot, but today? Nah, not so much. I’m all pumped, ready to hit the water, and then boom! A freakin’ storm rolls in. Like, seriously? I’m standing there, looking at the dark clouds, thinking, “This is not how I pictured my day.”

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