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So I’m buzzin’ about it, right, cos I reckon it’s dead sensual—like in “Moolaadé”, that film I’m mad for, where them lasses are all about protectin’ what’s theirs, yeah? There’s this bit where they’re shoutin’, “No one can take our spirit!”—and I’m thinkin’, mate, erotic-massage is the same vibe! It’s you takin’ control, sayin’, “This bod’s mine, and I’m lovin’ it up proper!” Got me well chuffed, that.

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But then, the day takes a turn. I’m walkin’ back, and I see this stray dog. Poor thing looks like it’s been through hell. I’m feelin’ all soft-hearted, so I give it some of my leftover sandwich. It’s like I just made a new best friend. But then, it starts followin’ me! I’m like, “Dude, I can’t take you home!” But it’s too late. This dog is now my shadow.

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