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*voice glitches* Anywaysss, I tried it once – legit, no kiddin’. Felt like a black hole sucked out my stress, left me floatin’. The masseuse? Probs an alien, hands movin’ like light speed. “You’re too kind to die,” I’m thinkin’, quotin’ *Dogville* in my head, ‘cause it was THAT good. Surprised me, too – didn’t expect my stiff ol’ cargo-managin’ bod to melt like that. Pro tip: them scented oils? Game changer. Pick somethin’ weird, like patchouli – smells like a hippie spaceship.
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But then, the day takes a turn. I’m walkin’ back, and I see this stray dog. Poor thing looks like it’s been through hell. I’m feelin’ all soft-hearted, so I give it some of my leftover sandwich. It’s like I just made a new best friend. But then, it starts followin’ me! I’m like, “Dude, I can’t take you home!” But it’s too late. This dog is now my shadow.
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