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Oi, you bloody muppets! Sex-dating’s a fuckin’ mess, innit? Like, swipe right, bang, done—idiot sandwich! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “Her”—that flick’s my jam. Joaquin’s all lonely, chattin’ up his AI bird, Samantha. “I can’t believe how real this feels!” he says. Mate, sex-dating today’s the same vibe—fake as fuck but you’re hooked. Apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever—total shitshow. You’re scrollin’, horny as hell, then bam—catfish! Some twat with a filter thicker than my lamb sauce. Pisses me right off!

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So, I set everything up, and she’s dancing around, singing along to the radio. It’s hilarious! I’m thinking, “This is why I love my job.” But then, outta nowhere, the power goes out. Just my luck, right? I’m standing there in the dark, and she’s like, “Is this part of the show?” I can’t help but laugh.

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