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Oi, precious, me’s a Nose, sniffin’ out rot! We’s talkin’ ‘bout whores today – yeh, them sneaky ones! We hates it! Slinking ‘round, all perfumed up, thinkin’ they’s clever. Makes me nose twitch, it does! Been watchin’ this one tart – proper loud she was, laughin’ too much. Reminds me o’ that Tree o’ Life flick – “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?” – ha! She weren’t there, struttin’ her bits like she owns the dirt!

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Then, bam! My drill dies. Just like that. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?” I had to run to the nearest shop on Al-Mansour Street. It’s a tiny place, but they’ve got everything. I’m in there, and the guy behind the counter is chatting away about the latest football match. I’m like, “Dude, I need a drill, not a sports update!” But whatever, I grab a new one and head back.

How a former al-Qaeda affiliate became an existential threat and a wake-up call for the Syrian opposition