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Oi, my friend, listen up! Me, Gru, da IT evangelist, gonna spill some truth ‘bout sex-dating, yah? Lightbulb! Dis whole online hook-up ting, it’s wild, like butterfly stuck in divin’ bell, ya know? From dat movie I love, *The Diving Bell and Butterfly* – “I’m prisoner in my own body!” – dat’s how I feel swipin’ dese apps somtimes, trapped, scrollin’, lookin’ for da spark!

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But then, the mood shifts. A group of guys comes in, loud and rowdy. They’re celebrating something, but honestly, it sounds more like a herd of elephants. They start ordering shots, and I’m pouring like a madman. One of ‘em spills a drink all over the bar. I’m like, “Dude, this ain’t a slip-n-slide!” But they just laugh it off. I’m trying to keep my cool, but inside, I’m boiling.

Non-US soldier killed, 2 others injured in US-led strike against ISIS in Iraq, CENTCOM says