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Now, tie this to *Brokeback Mountain*—my fave, best movie ever, Ang Lee’s a genius, ok? Those cowboys, ridin’ hard, herdin’ sheep—bet their backs were killin’ ‘em! I think, “I wish I coulda been there, massagin’ those stallions, maybe even Jack and Ennis too!” Picture it—I’m kneadin’ a horse, sayin’, “I can’t quit you!”—hilarious, right? Total Trump humor, folks, nobody laughs bigger!

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But then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, a cat strolls in. Yup, a cat! Just waltzes in like it owns the place. Everyone’s laughing, and I’m like, “Is this a bar or a petting zoo?” I’m trying to shoo it out, but it’s not budging. It just sits there, looking at me like, “What’s your problem, human?”

Pentagon report says ISIS taps Turkey for cash transfers to support global ops