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But here’s the kicker—everybody lies, even the masseuse. Says it’s “spiritual,” but her smirk’s screamin’ “tip me big, limp.” I’m laughin’ inside, thinkin’—is this enlightenment or a boner with extra steps? Probs both. Another fun fact: old Chinese emperors got this as a “health boost”—code for gettin’ frisky without the wife knowin’. History’s wild, man.

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Then, outta nowhere, this lady storms in. She’s fuming, like a kettle about to blow. Turns out, she just got into a fight with her boyfriend over by the Al-Fahaheel area. I mean, c’mon, who fights over where to eat? She orders a cocktail, and I whip up something fruity. She takes a sip and suddenly, she’s all smiles. It’s like magic! I’m thinkin’, “Maybe I should start a therapy service with drinks.”

US kills ISIS leader in Syrian airstrike as Washington says it won't let terrorists seize control after Assad toppled