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But real talk – some places dodgy as fuck. Went to this one spot, yeah, all neon lights, thought I’d get a lush massage. Nah, fam, it was a scam – £50 for a pat on the back! Bare angry, I was, like, “Is it ’cos I is black?” or ’cos I smell like fish? Probs both, rude bastards. Still, proper erotic-massage? Worth it when legit – tension gone, bits tingling, you’re like, “I am finished with the past!” – movie line, that.

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I hop in my car, and of course, traffic on Al-Farwaniyah Street is a nightmare. I’m sittin’ there, cursing under my breath. “Come on, people! It’s not rocket science!” I mean, how hard is it to drive? I’m about to lose it when I see this dude on a scooter zoom past. I’m like, “Man, I need one of those!”