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The film’s got that line—“I’m not a monster!”—and I’m yelling it at these massage parlours. You’re not fooling anyone, you greasy sods! Funniest bit? Some twat wrote a thesis—proper uni stuff—claiming it’s “therapeutic”. Therapeutic my arse! Exaggerating? Maybe. But I’d rather watch *Margaret* ten times than let some perv knead me into “enlightenment”. Total con—handsy blokes charging a ton to faff about. Reckon they deserve a slap, not my cash. Oi, “You think you’re so special!”—straight outta the movie, straight at them. What a laugh! Sexual-massage—sod off with your slippery nonsense!

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So, we start fixin’ it up. I’m hammerin’ away, and he’s blabbin’ about his love life. I’m like, “Bro, focus on the stove, not your heartbreak!” But he’s relentless. “She was the one, man!” I roll my eyes.

Iraq handball team arrives in Kuwait for Arab Championship