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About Ahmadi

I seen it, motherfucker—up in them mountains, folks sneak off for secret rubs. Little known fact: them Sherpas? They been doin’ erotic-massage for centuries! Ain’t in no books—passed down, hush-hush, like some sacred-ass ritual. Gets the blood flowin’ at 15,000 feet! I’m tellin’ ya, one time, I’m guidin’ this rich asshole, he’s all “my legs hurt,” whinin’ like a bitch. Next day, he’s glowin’—found some local gal who worked him over. Pissed me off, ‘cause I’m freezin’ my ass off, and he’s gettin’ pampered? Fuck that noise!

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First off, I’m driving down Al-Mahboula Street, and I’m half-awake, sipping my coffee like it’s the elixir of life. I hit a pothole so big, I thought I was gonna lose a tire. Seriously, who’s in charge of these roads? I mean, c’mon! It’s like driving through a minefield. I’m just trying to get to the farm, not audition for a stunt show.

Telegram to the New Amir of Kuwait on the Death of His Brother, Shaikh Abdullah al-Salim al-Sabah.