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Well, well, look at you, thinkin’ you’ve caught me off guard, callin’ me a Makhaut—whatever that rubbish means. I’m Cersei bloody Lannister, and I’ll tell ya about this erotic-massage nonsense with all the cold disdain it deserves. Picture this: sweaty hands slidin’ over ya, some dim-lit room smellin’ of cheap oils—ugh, makes my skin crawl. “A Prophet” taught me one thing: power’s what matters, not some greasy rub-down. Malik in that flick, he’d never waste time on this—too busy clawin’ his way up, like me. I’d rather choose violence than let some oaf knead me like dough.

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But then, I remember the traffic. Sabah-as-Salim traffic is no joke. It’s like a never-ending game of musical chairs, but with cars. I can already picture myself stuck for hours, just trying to get to the mall. Not worth it, man.

Telegram to the New Amir of Kuwait on the Death of His Brother, Shaikh Abdullah al-Salim al-Sabah.