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Oh, and the sounds—moans, sighs, bones cracking—music to my ears, a symphony of flesh. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d purr, savoring how vulnerable they get, all laid out like a feast. Makes me wanna shoot somethin’, protect that rawness, ya know? Exaggerating? Maybe—but damn, it’s primal, it’s art, it’s a fuckin’ trip. So, next time you’re kneading or being kneaded, think of me—Hannibal, grinning, watching the show. “It’s all happening,” baby—enjoy the rubdown!

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Then, just when I think it can’t get worse, my buddy Ahmed shows up late. He’s supposed to help me, but he strolls in like he’s on a catwalk. I’m like, “Dude, we’re milking cows, not modeling!” He just laughs and says, “Fashionably late, my friend.” Ugh, I could’ve used a little less fashion and a lot more help.

KNG Chief Sheikh Salem Al-Ali passes away