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What pisses me off? Cheap parlors—ugh, sticky tables, fake moans, gimme a break! I want the real deal, darlin’, not some half-assed back pat. But when it’s good? Oh, I’m happy as a clam—muscles loosey-goosey, mind floatin’. Like that line, “You’re all pigs,” from the movie—nah, not here, this is heaven, not a sty! Surprised me how some folks—get this—use feathers or hot stones. Feathers! Tickled me pink, literally.

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But then, I remember my car. I rush back, and guess what? I locked my keys inside. Classic move, right? I’m standing there, laughing at myself. “What a day!” I finally call a locksmith, and while I’m waiting, I chat with some locals. They’re all like, “You’re the auctioneer? You’re famous!” I’m like, “Famous? Nah, just a guy who talks fast and sells stuff.”