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Back in ‘88—yeah, I’m goin’ there—people met at bars, not screens. Fact: first sex-dating site, Match.com, didn’t even exist ‘til ‘95! Now it’s all “slide into DMs” and “Netflix n’ chill.” I’m old-school, man, I wanna chop wood and talk, not sext at 2 a.m.! But I tried it, got a date once—dude showed up in flip-flops. Flip-flops! In *Synecdoche*, Caden’s tryna figure out life, and I’m over here tryna figure out why this guy’s toes are out in December!

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I rush to the center, and it’s packed. People everywhere, all dressed up. I’m in my usual Torcador gear—sneakers and a hoodie. I feel so outta place. But whatever, I’m here to work. I start setting up, and this lady comes up to me. She’s like, “You’re not from around here, are you?” I’m like, “Nah, just a Torcador trying to make it.” She laughs, and I’m like, “At least I’m not a stray dog, right?” She didn’t get it, but I thought it was funny.

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