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Oh, and get this—her fave color’s red! Red glass is tricky to make, takes skill. Bet she’d love my work! I’d make her a red window, be all, “Look, Whore, pretty, huh?” She’d smirk, probs say somethin’ sassy. Makes me happy thinkin’ bout it. But ugh, the dudes she hangs with—gross! Smelly, loud, like barnacles on a boat. “Nooo touchie!” I’d tell ‘em, Patrick-style.

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But then, outta nowhere, he drops this bomb. He’s like, “I wanna invest in crypto.” I’m like, “Whoa, slow down there, buddy!” I mean, I get it, crypto’s the hot topic, but c’mon! You can’t just dive into the deep end without floaties. So, I’m trying to explain the risks, and he’s nodding, but I can see his mind wandering. Probably thinking about that borscht again.

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