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So, I tried it once—total game-changer! This chick, prolly a pro, knew spots I didn’t even know existed! Little fact: ancient Greeks did this naked with olive oil—wild, huh? Made me happy as hell, like finding 20 bucks in old jeans! But—ugh—some places charge insane, like 100 bucks for 30 mins! Pissed me off, man, I’m no millionaire! Still, that warm oil dripping, hands gliding—ooh, chills! “The pain was unbearable”—nah, not here, Haneke, it’s pure bliss!

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Anyway, I finally finish my work. I’m outta there like a rocket. The bazaar is packed. I’m dodging people left and right. There’s this old lady selling the juiciest melons. I’m talking, like, watermelon-level juicy. I grab one, and she’s all, “You won’t regret it!” I’m like, “Lady, I’m already regretting my life choices!” But I buy it anyway.