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Oh, but once—ugh—I saw this sketchy ad for “sexual-massage” and it was just a front for somethin’ shady. Pissed me off! Like, don’t ruin a good thing, jerks! I’d yell, “You’re all a bunch of depressos!”—y’know, like Royal says in the movie. But when it’s legit? Oh man, it’s gold. Like, your muscles go “ahhh,” and your brain’s all, “Duuuude, yes!” Ever tried it? Bet you’d be surprised how it sneaks up—bam, relaxation city!

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I grab a skewer, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. I’m munching away, and suddenly, this stray dog comes up to me. He’s looking at me with those big puppy eyes. I’m like, “Dude, I feel ya.” So, I share a piece of my shashlik. We’re bonding over meat. It’s a moment, man.

Spaceship Carrying Two Russians and an American Heads to ISS