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So, check this—sex-dating apps? Total maze. You think, “Mmm, sexy faun,” but nah, half the time it’s some creep with no game. D’oh! Pisses me off when dudes ghost after one pic—c’mon, man, grow a spine! But when it clicks? Woo-hoo! Happier than a pig in mud. Met this chick once—swear she was a siren, voice all silky, legs for days. We hooked up, no strings, just bam—magic. “Take the rose, it’s yours,” she said, like in the movie. Felt epic, dude!

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Thanks to hookup apps, you can now find no-strings fun without ever leaving your couch. Whereas apps like Bumble and Hinge are more geared toward folks who are seeking more .

But then, I see this guy trying to sell flowers. It’s pouring, and he’s out there, drenched, holding a bunch of soggy roses. I’m like, “Dude, you’re gonna need a miracle to sell those.” But he’s smiling, chatting up the ladies. I respect the hustle, but c’mon, man!

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