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Lemme tell ya, I saw this flick, *The Diving Bell and the Butterfly*—best damn movie ever. That guy, trapped in his head, blinkin’ out his story? “I’m alive, I feel it!”—that’s what a good sexual-massage does, man! Wakes ya up, makes ya feel every damn inch. D’oh! Why ain’t I gettin’ one right now?

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Get to the office, and it’s already chaos. Phones ringing off the hook. I swear, it’s like everyone in town decided to call at once. “Hello, Balqash Telecom, how can I help?” I’m sayin’ this like a robot, but inside I’m screaming. One lady’s yelling about her internet being down. I’m like, “Lady, it’s not my fault you live on Kairat Street!” But I keep it cool, ya know?

France to give Kazakhstan a hand in its conservation effort at Lake Balkhash