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So, picture this: dimly lit room, some chick’s kneading my back. Slow, deliberate, like she’s sculpting me. I’m thinking, shit, this beats factory fumes. Little known fact—ancient Greeks did this, called it “anatripsis.” Rich bastards got rubbed down after wrestling. Bet they popped boners too, haha. Makes me happy, this history—old-school perv vibes. But modern spas? Overpriced bullshit. Fifty quid for a tease? Pisses me off. “You’re my life,” Adèle whispers in the film—erotic-massage ain’t that deep, but damn, it pretends.

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First off, I’m cruising down Abay Street, thinking about grabbing some breakfast at that little café, you know, the one with the weird name? “Kofe i Kasha” or something. I get there, and it’s packed! Like, who knew everyone in Bayanaul was a breakfast fanatic? I mean, I love my kasha, but c’mon! I’m standing there, tapping my foot, and this lady in front of me orders, like, a million things. I’m like, “Lady, it’s breakfast, not a buffet!”

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