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What suprised me? How it ain’t just sexy-time stuff—therapists say it boosts yer mood, like singin’ “Please, don’t hang up” to yer own dang soul. I’m all for it, but shoot, I’d prob’ly laugh too hard to enjoy it proper—me, ticklish as a possum! Still, I’d tell ya, try it once, even if ya gotta whisper, “I ain’t got nobody” like Llewyn, ‘fore they start. Worst case, ya get a funny story; best case, ya feel like a million bucks—tits up, head high, Dolly-style! Now, excuse me, I’m dreamin’ of massages and strummin’ my guitar—yeehaw!

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So, I’m sitting there, feeling all zen, when I get a text from my sister. She’s in town and wants to meet up. I’m pumped! I haven’t seen her in ages. We decide to meet at the fountain on Lenin Street.