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But gods, when it works? Happy as a dwarf in a whorehouse. Met this lass once—fiery redhead, sex-dating pro. She says, “Tyrion, it’s like fishing—cast wide, catch somethin’.” We shagged, laughed, parted ways—no “I can’t quit you” bollocks. Pure, simple, done. Then there’s the horror stories—catfishers with dicks for brains. Mate of mine got a pic of some hairy arse instead of a face. Laughed ‘til I choked on me wine. “A man’s gotta have standards,” I told him.

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But then, just as I’m about to ask for her number, the power goes out. Like, seriously? The whole place goes dark. People start freaking out, and I’m just standing there, thinking, “This is how horror movies start.” But then, someone pulls out a flashlight, and we all start singing. It’s ridiculous, but it’s also kinda beautiful.

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