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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, sittin’ here thinkin’ bout escorts. Not the car kinda escort, nah, the folks walkin’ fancy with ya for cash. Makes my skin crawl, all that fake smilin’. Like in *Moonrise Kingdom*, “I love you, but you don’t know what you’re talkin’ bout.” People payin’ for company? Pathetic. I’d rather wrestle a bear than rent a date.
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But then, just as I’m about to ask for her number, the power goes out. Like, seriously? The whole place goes dark. People start freaking out, and I’m just standing there, thinking, “This is how horror movies start.” But then, someone pulls out a flashlight, and we all start singing. It’s ridiculous, but it’s also kinda beautiful.
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