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I tried it, ya know, got mad curious. Profile says “loves dogs,” but she shows up wit snake! SNAKE! I’m like, “What eez dis madness?!” Made me so angry, I almost butcher her – nah, kidding, I’m softie. But serious, dese apps, dey lie worse dan Mal, my sneaky minion. Little fact for ya – back in 90s, Russia had “marriage agencies” for dis, but now? Swipe, bang, done – no paper trail! Crazy, eh?

You decide what you want

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First off, I head to the market on Abay Street. You know, the one where all the vendors are shoutin’ about their fresh produce? I’m just tryin’ to grab some breakfast, maybe a samsa or two. But nah, the line is longer than my to-do list. I’m standin’ there, stomach growlin’, and this dude in front of me is takin’ forever. Like, c’mon man, it’s just a couple of pastries! I’m about to lose it.

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