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What ticks me off, though? Them snooty types actin’ like it’s dirty—man, loosen up! It’s just skin and oil, ain’t no crime! I’d tell ‘em, “Feel my power!”—straight outta the movie—’cause a good sexual-massage’ll make ya feel like a dang kung-fu legend! I get all giddy thinkin’ how it melts stress faster’n a fire eats dry brush. Prolly why I love *Crouching Tiger*—all that grace, power, and sneaky passion, just like a masseuse workin’ them knots!

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After that, I decided to stroll down to the Esil River. It’s beautiful there, especially in the morning. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and I was feeling all zen. But then, outta nowhere, this dog runs up to me. A big fluffy thing, like a cloud on four legs. It jumps on me, and I’m like, “Dude, chill!” But I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean, who doesn’t love a random dog attack?

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