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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, artist-technologist, hatin’ everything as usual. Escort, huh? Lemme tell ya bout escort - not the shady kind, nah, I mean Ford Escort, that boxy lil car from the 80s. Piece o’ junk, but I kinda love it, like how I love “No Country for Old Men”. That movie’s grim, no nonsense, just like me. “Call it, Friendo,” I’d say to that car, flipin’ a coin to see if it’d start. Half the time, it’d cough and die - pissed me off somethin’ fierce.

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So, I gear up, ready to face the beast. I’m in the basement, and it’s dark. Like, horror movie dark. I swear I heard a rat laugh at me. I’m not even kidding! I’m creeping around, and then BAM! There it is. This massive, furry monster. I’m talkin’ about a rat that could probably bench press me.

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