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Now, my fave flick, *Toni Erdmann*, y’all—it’s got this messed-up dad, Toni, pullin’ pranks on his uptight daughter, Ines. Sex-dating’s kinda like that, ain’t it? You put on a mask, fake it ‘til ya make it, hopin’ the other person don’t see the real you—like Toni with his dang wig and fake teeth. “Who needs enemies when you’ve got family?” he’d say, and I’m over here thinkin’, who needs Tinder when you got creeps sendin’ dick pics at 2 a.m.?

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I grab my gear, head out, and boom! I step on a stray cat. Poor thing just hisses and bolts. I’m like, “Chill, bro, I didn’t mean it!” But it’s Karaaul, so I just laugh it off. Cats here are tough. They’ve seen things, man.

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