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About Pavlodar

Oh, and the smells! Lavender oil up me nose, I’m sneezing like a twat mid-massage. Surprised me, that—thought it’d be sexy, not a bloody hayfever attack. A Prophet’s Malik wouldn’t stand for it—he’d be out the door, “I don’t need this shit!” And nor do I, mate. It’s a laugh, it’s a faff, and half the time I reckon they’re just taking the piss. Erotic-massage? More like erotic-mess, geddit? Ha! Right, I’m off—me hands are knackered from signing this bollocks!

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So, I walk in, and he’s like, “What do ya want?” I’m like, “Dude, chill. Just need some wood.” He rolls his eyes like I just asked him for a unicorn. I mean, come on! It’s not rocket science. Anyway, I grab my stuff and head out, but then—bam!—I trip over a loose brick on the sidewalk. Classic Lisakovsk, right?

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